While you read the below thoughts, please remember that it is just an overall opinion of things.  I appreciate everything that my many great friends have done for me.  I also appreciate all the opportunities that Lands’ End gave me.  The thing that caused all of this was an internal change for me, which I hope to clarify with what I wrote below.

People have asked me what made me decide to quit my “good” job to leave everyone & everything I know behind.  Everyone is looking for a one word answer or some event.  There really isn’t one & it is really tough to explain, but it was a change that grew from within my soul.  After working jobs and/or being in school since I was around 12, I felt like I have been following the normal path for a long time.  I was following the societal norm of getting an education & getting a job.  Don’t get me wrong I don’t think that’s a bad thing & I am not complaining about my education or my job.  However, until I stopped to analyze my situation, I didn’t even notice how engrossed I was into a situation that wasn’t what I wanted.

The biggest single problem was the lack of room to grow socially.  I have matured & became much more confident, especially in the past 2+ years, but I had hit a ceiling there as well.  I knew most everyone around town & at work.  I was not forced to go out & meet new people.  Plus the people I would meet would be very similar, because people from similar areas typically have similar attitudes & backgrounds.  Another problem in a small town is that everyone knows everyone else.  When you stop associating with certain people it makes social situations difficult.  Small towns are very friendly which is nice; however, everyone has to know each other’s business.  When you stop associating with some people it also cuts you off from other people.  Another contributing factor to my social boredom was that most people I knew didn’t want to do anything differently than they ever had.  They were married & had kids or may as well been married with kids.  I don’t think this is bad & I don’t hold this against them because everyone gets to make their own choices.  It just made it tough for me to get out of the everyday grind.  I originally thought I might fix this all by relocating to a different city (Madison).  But when I thought about it, it seemed like that was just giving me a little bigger fish bowl to swim in, but not getting me to the open water.  I would still have the comfort of most everything & everyone I knew.

Next, I don’t want to sound over-confident, but I was about as big as I could be in the situation I was in.  I was not living life the way I wanted, I am a person who needs frequent new challenges.  Just as there was no room for me to grow personally, professional growth was also slowing substantially.  I was 2 promotions from the top of where I could be & was not receiving any new training.  I was completely into the everyday rut of work life, with only retirement to end the cycle.  I know that sounds extreme, but it is what I felt like. 

I know that I will have to work again.  However, banging your head against the same wall everyday for a company where you really don’t see anything from your work is not the way to live life.  The really sad thing is that I got more from Lands’ End than most people will get from their respective companies.  It just still isn’t enough.  In my life plan I never had it that I would work anywhere for 6 years. 

It has always been set in my mind that I would open my own company & be a millionaire by 35.  I plan to be able to retire my parents & brother.  I just needed my idea to get things rolling & it was not happening where I was.  You may laugh when you read that & think yeah right everyone wants to be rich & retire young.  The difference between most people & me is that I have a general plan to make it happen.  Now a good question would be “How is taking a year off from work going to make you rich?”  The answer is that when you are going in one direction as hard as you can (like I was at my job), you typically can’t back up & see thing for what the possibilities.  “Tunnel vision”, keeps you from seeing other better opportunities.  I believe having different experiences, meeting people from other cultures & getting a more international perspective may wake me up to opportunities I have been missing.

Another thing that most people don’t realize is that I graduated from high school in 3 years.  In my mind I have always had that extra year to use as I saw fit when the right opportunity came along.  I think this is really the right opportunity during the right point in my life.  I would not have been mature enough even 2 years ago, to do this.  The timing is not going to get any better.  I am not tied down to a family or anything that I can’t leave.  While I am 25 everything is cheaper, after my birthday this December things would have gotten a lot more expensive. 

People need to look inside them to see what’s really there.  I am still trying to find the answer to that question.  I strive for constant re-evaluation & try to make the needed modifications to create a better me.  This situation all came together as a right time, right place situation.  Hopefully all of this has helped to give you a little insight into what I am thinking.  I know people are struggling with this situation & I have not had much of a chance to explain it to most people.  

- Wrote from the top bunk bed in a dorm hostel in Noumea, New Caledonia.

2004/09/29 - Brock Waterman